To Myself: I'M CALLIN YOU OUT, BROTHER!

I've noticed a pattern in my day to day conversations where I will list an honest criticism of myself and the other person will deflect it. I think that comes from an incredibly kind place and I'm massively grateful to have friends that want to support me when I am down on myself, but I do think that it can be an impediment to personal growth if I don't ignore their comforting words from time to time. All my life I've teachers and bosses tell me that I'm very good at whatever I'm doing at the time but they think I can do even better. On the other hand, peers tend to spend their time telling me I'm incredible and why should I bother working more when I'm already awesome. You can guess which one tends to have a little more influence on my behavior.

The thing is, I agree with my teachers. My learning process seems to begin with huge growth. I take leaps and bounds and learn as much as I can and I devote my full focus to the task in front of me. Invariably, I find myself getting complacent with my achievements and I just stop working as hard. A lot of the time, the complacency begins with somebody I respect giving me the validation of "wow, you're really good!" I stand back and think, "yeah, I am great, aren't I?"

I think about where I'm at as a teacher and actor and improviser and I realize it's not very much different from where I was a year ago. I know I am doing things, but I also know that I could be doing more. I know that I could be taking more lessons away from the things that I am already doing. Unlike any previous point in my life, though, I don't have a mentor to push me just that little bit further. That person who is never quite satisfied with what I've done.

It's clear to me now that I have to be that person for myself. I am the one who is not satisfied with my progress. I'm doing all right, but I know I can do better. I'm not going to pat myself on the back for just showing up anymore. Participation isn't enough for me, I need to excel. I need to fight more and work harder, not because somebody else wants me to but because I am capable of it. In the words of Shia Labeouf, "Yesterday you said tomorrow so just do it! MAKE. YOUR DREAMS. COME TRUE."