Dealing with Your Own Negativity
I am a person with a lot of... feelings. If something makes me angry, it makes me furious. If something makes me happy I'm overjoyed. When I get angry, I tend to be mean and negative for no good reason and I very frequently hurt a lot of feelings. The thing that I'm going to advise everyone to do when they get angry or frustrated is a thing I've been struggling to do for years and years: shut up.
Somebody said something that makes you angry? They did something that makes you mad or you don't agree with? Unless they're directly attacking you or putting you in harm's way, you should probably just say nothing. Take a few deep breaths and try to handle whatever interactions you're stuck with this person for without blowing up. While you're emotional about whatever just transpired is not a good time to start a fair conversation about it. If you are really upset, addressing the issue there and then puts you at risk of looking like a total jerk.
I should reiterate: if someone's directly attacking you verbally or putting you in harm's way, then say something right then and there! Put a stop to it and then take a moment to calm down away from the situation. Once the immediate threat is over, however, you should still wait to address the problem until your emotions have cooled somewhat. Try to walk into conversations with as light an emotional load as you can muster. If you want to be listened to and have your points respected, it usually helps if they are rationally delivered and not peppered with four letter words.
Dealing with Negativity in Others
We all know people who thrive on picking at us. They just love to tear down things that we love. They poke and peck and irritate and get wildly defensive whenever you bring up their actions to them. For these people, I've found that the best thing you can do is ignore them. Treat them like the children that they're acting like and don't give them the attention they're begging for. If they want to be irritating and mean-spirited, you don't have to accept that.
When I say to ignore them, I don't mean that you should stone-wall them entirely. I mean that you should do what it takes to not allow them to get a rise out of you. Deny them the joy they get out of making you sink to their level.
Some people don't realize when they're being negative. Directors often struggle with giving too many negative notes to be helpful. "Don't do that, it sucks," is a thing that's said way too often in far too many rehearsals. If you think that these people aren't aware that they're raining on your parade day-in and day-out, then you should definitely let them know. Calmly, and unemotionally let them know. If they get defensive and turn it around on you? Whelp now they're aware that you think they're being jerks to you and they're not willing to do anything to change that. If it's a director with nobody above them, leave that group if you can. If it's a peer, ask someone who's above you on the totem pole to mediate.
It's incredibly tough to deal with people who are incredibly negative, but they are everywhere and they feed off you responding to their prodding. Remember the golden rule: Don't be a jerk, even if someone else is totally being a jerk. Eventually no one will want to be around someone who's perpetually acting like a butthead and you'll be free of them if they don't shape up before long.
How do you deal with people being negative jerks? How wrong do you think my stance of, "ignore them and only respond calmly to people," is? As I've said previously, this is something I still struggle with and these are the best ways I've found to keep situations from spiraling out of control.
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