A Pep Talk for Myself

As I get ready to head up to Chicago for over a month for the iO Summer Intensive, I've got a ton of things rattling around in my brain. It has not been a particularly easy month leading up to this big dumb adventure and I'm more than a little stressed about it. I'm being supported by everyone I know and that is for sure the driving force behind me going. It's always been a little bit of a pipe dream, but the moment I even mentioned making it real every single person was like "Yeah that's a good idea! You should do that!" Here I am, a victim of surrounding myself with wonderful, positive, encouraging friends.

I could sit here and list all of the reasons I'm nervous or afraid to go up there and finally commit to this escapade, but really none of those things matters too much. I've found solutions to basically all of my points of stress and I'm not feeling a lick better for it. I'm nervous because this is a big opportunity and I don't want to squander it.

I am going to ignore the thoughts that tell me I'm probably bad at what I love and just generally existing. I'm choosing to listen to my friends and family who believe in me 100% and have seen how I've grown in the past couple of years. I'm not perfect, but I promise to always show up and to always try as hard as I can. Stubbornly. Persistently. Until I make even an inch of measurable progress. I'll think and think and do and do and listen and listen. My goals of being kind, and generous, and thoughtful won't be put on hold because I'm uncomfortable or scared. I'm gonna get up there, meet some new and awesome people, and make some damn things up.

Pep talk for myself complete. I feel much better now. Whatever happens, I'll figure it out.

Improv Scenes Are Like Dates

I've been thinking about what makes a date enjoyable and I've noticed that a lot of the time, it lines up with what makes a good scene work. I know this is kind of a weird way to approach this, but just hear me out.

Scenes and dates are both better when there's chemistry between the people involved.

Chemistry is a thing that can be developed over time and it starts with effort. If you make an earnest effort to find something you like in your scene partner, chances are that you'll find it. Be patient and don't expect magic to always happen immediately, the relationship will develop if you keep at it. Eventually you'll find where you and your partner line up (easier in scenes than in life!).

Don't just talk, do something!

Talking heads scenes and dates where you just sit and chat can work out all right sometimes, but a lot of the time they are boring and fairly unrewarding. Instead of just sitting and talking, maybe try an activity. Hike, paint, cook, anything to keep you from just blathering on from one unimportant thing to the other. In a scene, it's more interesting to watch people do something physically than talk. On a date, it's more interesting to do something and it also takes the pressure off of everyone to be super clever at all times. Lord knows I'm guilty of talking head scenes and chatty dates, but the activity-based ones are always better.

Forget stuff, talk about how the other person makes you feel.

Now, I'm not telling you to just recite poetry and make googoo eyes at someone instead of sharing information about your life. I am, however, saying that you shouldn't get so carried away with your own cleverness that you forget to be a human with emotions. Most experienced improvisers can weave a joke or story out of any subject, but instead of doing that we should practice just letting some stuff land on us and having a real reaction to it. Tell your date that they look nice. Tell them if you like them. Tell your scene partner if you think they're a crazy person (tell this to your date too, I'm sure it'll work great).

Maybe just listen for a little while.

Talking is overrated, find something your date likes a bunch and just engage with that as much as you can. Hopefully they'll at least be interested enough in you that they'll ask you questions about yourself and sit back and listen too. Either way, go into both a scene and a date with the idea of hearing and caring about everything the other person has to say and it will almost certainly turn out for the better.

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There you have it, I've solved both improv and dating. Now if only I could put my theory to use in either context!

Goals as an Artist and a Human 2016

I got my wisdom teeth taken out this morning and being the stubborn kind of dude that I am, I feel 100% fine. That might just be the Percocet talking, though. If this post turns out to be just a big ol bowl of word salad, I'm choosing to blame it on the painkillers giving me confidence, but not ability.

Back in late January I wrote up some goals for the year but looking back I found that they're not really very quantifiable. Lots of "do better" and "try harder" and things of that nature. While it's nice to have that vague encouragement/scolding guiding me towards being better, results come from concrete goals.

Here is my #1 goal for the year: Don't run out of money and end up homeless.

That probably seems like a joke, but it's an actual thing that I am very afraid of. I've had too many times where a bunch of things exploded at once and my finances melted away. This year I will be cautious and I will pour money into my savings account to shake off my fears.

#2. Write and Film Three Sketches.

I've always wanted to write sketch and I know how to do it now. Let's say that vines count for 1/4 of a sketch. It's a low bar, but I've literally never written and filmed a sketch of my own before.

#3. Spend at least an hour every day off reading, writing, or learning a new skill.

I have a tendency to sit around and not take advantage of the time I have to myself. An hour on an off day is not a huge commitment to ask, but it is a big step in the right direction for me. I also know that productivity begets productivity, so I'm banking on that hour turning into more time pretty regularly.

Some ideas of skills that I'm working on: writing sketch, writing jokes, playing guitar, juggling, dialects, and celebrity impressions.

#4. End the year with 125 total posts on the blog. 

Made the goal I didn't succeed at last year harder. YOLO. Gotta commit harder to writing regularly!

#5. Spend 20 hours a week doing something related to the business of art. Teaching, improv, writing, performing, etc.

I am probably sitting at around 13 hours a week right now, but I need to expand or dive in deeper to something in order to eek those last 7-8 hours in.

#6. Do something nice for somebody every day without expecting to be repaid.

You get out what you put in and I want to make people feel happy when I'm around. I already kind of make it a point to be kind to people when I have the opportunity and ability, but I think it will be helpful if I look at it as a thing I'm setting out to do every single morning. At the very least, it'll keep me from starting the day off being salty to anybody.

#7. Read 15 books in 2016, watch 15 New Movies, watch 5 shows I haven't seen before.

Improv requires that my pop culture knowledge be up to date and living a full and happy life means that I need to be expanding my brain and finding new things to enjoy. Books and movies are most important to me as they are more often referenced than TV shows that I don't already watch, but all three categories are valuable. Video games should probably be included at the same level as TV shows.

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All right, these goals feel better. I'm stickin to them! Do you have any big ideas of things you want to do this year?

Why you owe it to yourself (and your cast) to be kind of a hard-ass

I have been getting caught in leadership positions for the majority of my adult life. I've learned a lot of things about myself through the groups I've been put in charge of. While I believe in kindness as a general basis for all human interactions, I've learned that leaders sometimes have to say and do the difficult and often hurtful things.

In improv it is really very difficult for me to give a note to a teammate. However I am finding myself in a leadership position far more often in improv scenarios lately and I need to grow up and move forward from my position of "I'm improv dumb and I don't know anything that isn't obvious." 

I was looked to as the most experienced performer and therefore the director of a recent improv show and I was too afraid to give notes because I didn't want to mar the positive and fun  atmosphere of the rehearsals. I had several very specific things that I noticed that I never brought up because I hoped we could work them out without communicating about them. I thought that maybe the other folks in the group could figure out the things that weren't working for themselves. I was super wrong and our show didn't magically fix itself.

They needed my help and I was co-signing all the bad habits I was witnessing by not calling them out. Every time someone started a scene with negativity and I didn't make them re-start, I messed up. Every time the words "I have a plan" showed up and I didn't yell "No you don't! You have a feeling!" I goofed. Every walk-on that was unnecessary that I didn't immediately send into exile was a gaffe by yours truly.

Improv should be fun and happy, but rehearsals are also a thing we do to help ourselves improve. Notes are something that help us have fun quicker and more effectively. Your notes shouldn't be mean or personal, but they do need to be direct and as immediate as possible. If something doesn't work, tell that performer and offer an idea of how to make it work. Be honest about the different skill levels in your group, even if that hurts someone's feelings. Help the people who aren't quite there yet if they're hard workers, and cut them loose if they aren't. Don't let being nice drag your shows down and take away from the fun that you could be having.

Start A Resolution!

With just days left in January I am going to put up some things I want to do this year and then do my best to hold myself accountable for them. If I achieve even one of them, it'll be a pretty good year. Like I have told my cast, why even attempt something if succeeding isn't awesome?

3 months expenses in savings

This one is boring but important! I have money saved up, but  I need to keep the ball rolling and get my safety net in gear. It's gonna be tougher with the added expenses I've got this year, but hopefully I will have an increase in income, too. I've got the math done up and boy is it terrifying to me, but I think I can manage to get this one done through diligence and cleverness.

Quit serving, art full time

This one feels the least realistic for the year. I am not even close to the place I'd need to be in to quit my current dayjob (barring something awesome happening). Something arts-adjacent like box office or marketing work would be great too. The way to get there is going to be plugging away at writing and doing as much improv type stuff on my days/shifts off from working.

Hell, I'll be happy if I can pay even one bill with regularity due to improv.

Take an improv class

This one has been altered a bit from last year. I got to thinking about what I wanted out of learning from somewhere like Second City or iO and outside of being able to use that name recognition in my about me section, I just want fundamentals. Instinct, experience, and solo research have gotten me this far but if I had some solid building blocks I'd be in a lot better of a place. The important thing isn't where I learn these things, it's that I learn them at all. I just need to start.

Film 4 sketches

I've made a few sketches with Dillon and I had a good time doing them and think that some of them are still hilarious. I want to write more and film more of them and I'm calling myself out to do it!

Do something that I don't think I can succeed at initially.

Basically this is just me insisting that I keep doing new and scary things. I've got to step out of my box more deliberately this year or else I will be treading water instead of swimming towards the shore.

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That's what I've got for now! Do you guys have any goals for the year? Let's get to work.

What's a 2015 Anyway?

In the middle of January 2015 I laid out seven goals for the year. It is now late January in 2016 and it's high time I examined my progress on these goals. Here is a link to that post to read it for yourself. Originally I was going to include my goals for this year, but this post got looooong. I will include those in another post later.

Expand class-load at the Community School of the Arts

Status: Not kept.

I tried, honest I did. The classes I put up didn't make. You know what did make? My summer camp for Theatre for Children. It made with an agreement that I'd be paid by the class rather than by the hour. Then my class maximum was doubled from 10 to 20 without notice and they packed 18 young people into a room with just me for 15 hours. I want to believe that this was done out of an ignorance of how my class works and not out of a desire to wring more money out of my abilities, but I do know that this is the second year running that I've had to deal with fishy things going on around my summer camp with the CSA. I'm more than a little disillusioned with the company and I'm honestly considering not returning to teach again.

Create a regular improvised performance for families in Clarksville

Status: Not kept. 1/2 credit?

I did have a group of awesome people improvising with me for a few months in Clarksville. My original idea was to do musical narrative show but that quickly fell by the wayside when we had trouble managing the schedules of all the people who would've been willing to accompany us. I got to work with some amazing people and I proved to myself that I was capable of teaching improv. It kind of solidified what my ideals are and made me hyper aware of the building blocks of a good performance and story. Lauren, Maggie, Abby, and Dillon: I want y'all to know I was so proud to see you guys be incredible for a few weeks and I hope we can improvise together again because you're all crazy talented and the best kind of people.

Make, at minimum, 52 posts in this blog.

Status: Hahahahaha, definitely not kept.

33 posts. 19 short, which isn't as much as I'd expected. I fell off hard in 2015. Part of it is how busy I got toward the end of the year, but another piece is how I put so much pressure on myself to write and share and make sure everything I wrote was awesome and insightful. I learned that I tend to crumble in front of the assumption of success, probably cause I'm such a rebel. "Oh you think I'll be great, huh? I'll show you!" Honestly it's a thing I'm pecking away at.

Get my own place.

Status: Success.

Well it's not my own place, but I moved out of Clarksville and back to Nashville. I have a roommate who I like and plenty of space to myself. In August I kind of opted to fail at this resolution but I was offered a job and a place to live in late September and I pounced on the opportunity.

Get $1000 safely in savings and keep it there.

Status: Success

I did a real good job at this. Saved slowly and consistently and eclipsed my goal rather quickly. This year was a good start and I just need to keep it up.

Read 20 new novels. Autobiographies and theory books don't count!

Status: Not kept

I made some progress on this, but I fell off hard towards the middle of the year. Here's what I read:

Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, Return of the King, Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, The Anansi Boys, Good Omens, Guards Guards, Man in the High Castle

I also read Yes, Please and Improv at the Speed of Life but those didn't count towards my goal due to being an autobiography and a theory book. I read several new chidren's books for my class (it would be cheating to count those, I feel) and about half of Moby Dick. 

When it came down to it, I just had a lot of excuses and distractions from reading. This year I need to go into it with more discipline and structure if I want to succeed.

Study at a big-time improv school!

Status: Not Kept.

I chose not to succeed at this in order to succeed at my savings goal and my moving goal. It stings a little bit that I didn't manage to do this because I really, desperately want to take some time to learn from new people who are improvising for a living. I think some re-orientation is going to be necessary if I want to manage this goal this year.

2.5 out of 7 Resolutions Kept.

I'm tempted to say that's a laughably failing grade, but honestly that's not how real life works. I tried and learned and managed to do a few things that weren't on my list. I taught improv professionally for the first time, I moved back to Nashville, I got my Dungeons and Dragons show running finally.

On a more personal level, I've learned to say yes to opportunities and to be a better friend. I managed to get healthy and be better at being a grown-up in general. I'm going on dates and being a human, it's great!

By the numbers, I did not succeed. But real life isn't always by the numbers and I'm in a way better place than I've ever been. I just need to pick a direction and start marching, 2016 is going to be even more incredible.

The Weird Sisters (and Brothers)

I've always felt like a little bit of a weirdo. It was a struggle to find people who could deal with my particular brand of weirdness. When I started doing improv, I realized I'd found people who would never let some obscure reference go uncelebrated. People who were amazingly intelligent but decidedly not boring. People who could quote Shakespeare in one sentence and rattle off a series of fart jokes in the next (if they quote the right plays they won't even need two sentences!). I had found my clan. 

For a while I just believed I found a lucky group of people in the Nashville Improv Company (I did, but that's beside the point) and that surely this magical kind of human didn't exist anywhere else in the world. Then as I went to festivals and took workshops and met people who have made improv their lives, I started to think that improvisation just attracted tons of awesome weirdos.

But now I look at some of the students I've taught and how far they've come and I know that some of us have weirdness jn our nature, but all of us have spent time nurturing that special kind of silliness that your can only find in an improviser. Nothing is ever too strange for us. The porridge will never be too hot or too cold, it's always just right. It's not just acceptable to be weird as an improviser, it's highly prized and strived for. I'm exceptionally proud to have found so many brothers and sisters in weirdness and I can't wait to convert even more people to our ridiculous religion.