iO Summer Intensive - Time to Think

Week 2 of the Summer Intensive is dead and gone and I'm set to languish in this 3 day weekend we're cursed with for five straight weeks. It seems dumb to complain about time off but I've been doing 40 hour weeks since I was 17 and 60+ hour weeks since 19, so time off is a hard concept for me to wrap my head around. I spend weekends pacing around like a caged animal, unsure what to do with my hands or all of the thoughts I've got kicking around in my brain. I try to catch up on TV or read or do anything normal humans do, but I lose interest after an hour and my restlessness gets the best of me.

The effects of that restlessness are amplified by the giant pause button for my life that these five weeks at iO represent. I get to step back and take a breath from all of my relationships back home, all of my work, all of my ambitions. There's nothing I can really do about those from up here except pop in occasionally to remind some of those folks that I still exist and I still care about them. Nashville Improv is doing their first full month of shows without me in over 3 years. Third Coast will debut their main stage cast without me there. My godson will probably be on an Olympic Track and Field team before I get back. I guess it's just time for me to contemplate my next move.

Captured this image shortly before I captured a Dragonair on the bridge near iO Chicago

When I get back I want to do more shows with the people I work with best. I want to go to festivals and show off the kind of work I do. By November or December I want to start phasing out my day jobs and make the switch into supporting myself through teaching and performing. I want to be an active pillar of the comedy community and maybe even step back into theatre again. It's time for me to hunker down in Nashville and help push our scene screaming into the sunlight.

Two weeks in and I've learned so very much, but the most important lesson has been about who I was already. I am as good as people have told me. My ability isn't some illusion cast on me by the protection of my very talented and kind teammates, it's something I've actually cultivated through years of intense work. I met Susan Messing the other day and she said that by the end of the intensive I would be exhausted, but I think that comes from the assumption that I don't live and breathe this work. This week will be the real test of my mettle and I'm champing at the bit. I promised I'd come up here and give'em hell and I aim to deliver.

Improv Scenes Are Like Dates

I've been thinking about what makes a date enjoyable and I've noticed that a lot of the time, it lines up with what makes a good scene work. I know this is kind of a weird way to approach this, but just hear me out.

Scenes and dates are both better when there's chemistry between the people involved.

Chemistry is a thing that can be developed over time and it starts with effort. If you make an earnest effort to find something you like in your scene partner, chances are that you'll find it. Be patient and don't expect magic to always happen immediately, the relationship will develop if you keep at it. Eventually you'll find where you and your partner line up (easier in scenes than in life!).

Don't just talk, do something!

Talking heads scenes and dates where you just sit and chat can work out all right sometimes, but a lot of the time they are boring and fairly unrewarding. Instead of just sitting and talking, maybe try an activity. Hike, paint, cook, anything to keep you from just blathering on from one unimportant thing to the other. In a scene, it's more interesting to watch people do something physically than talk. On a date, it's more interesting to do something and it also takes the pressure off of everyone to be super clever at all times. Lord knows I'm guilty of talking head scenes and chatty dates, but the activity-based ones are always better.

Forget stuff, talk about how the other person makes you feel.

Now, I'm not telling you to just recite poetry and make googoo eyes at someone instead of sharing information about your life. I am, however, saying that you shouldn't get so carried away with your own cleverness that you forget to be a human with emotions. Most experienced improvisers can weave a joke or story out of any subject, but instead of doing that we should practice just letting some stuff land on us and having a real reaction to it. Tell your date that they look nice. Tell them if you like them. Tell your scene partner if you think they're a crazy person (tell this to your date too, I'm sure it'll work great).

Maybe just listen for a little while.

Talking is overrated, find something your date likes a bunch and just engage with that as much as you can. Hopefully they'll at least be interested enough in you that they'll ask you questions about yourself and sit back and listen too. Either way, go into both a scene and a date with the idea of hearing and caring about everything the other person has to say and it will almost certainly turn out for the better.

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There you have it, I've solved both improv and dating. Now if only I could put my theory to use in either context!

Goals as an Artist and a Human 2016

I got my wisdom teeth taken out this morning and being the stubborn kind of dude that I am, I feel 100% fine. That might just be the Percocet talking, though. If this post turns out to be just a big ol bowl of word salad, I'm choosing to blame it on the painkillers giving me confidence, but not ability.

Back in late January I wrote up some goals for the year but looking back I found that they're not really very quantifiable. Lots of "do better" and "try harder" and things of that nature. While it's nice to have that vague encouragement/scolding guiding me towards being better, results come from concrete goals.

Here is my #1 goal for the year: Don't run out of money and end up homeless.

That probably seems like a joke, but it's an actual thing that I am very afraid of. I've had too many times where a bunch of things exploded at once and my finances melted away. This year I will be cautious and I will pour money into my savings account to shake off my fears.

#2. Write and Film Three Sketches.

I've always wanted to write sketch and I know how to do it now. Let's say that vines count for 1/4 of a sketch. It's a low bar, but I've literally never written and filmed a sketch of my own before.

#3. Spend at least an hour every day off reading, writing, or learning a new skill.

I have a tendency to sit around and not take advantage of the time I have to myself. An hour on an off day is not a huge commitment to ask, but it is a big step in the right direction for me. I also know that productivity begets productivity, so I'm banking on that hour turning into more time pretty regularly.

Some ideas of skills that I'm working on: writing sketch, writing jokes, playing guitar, juggling, dialects, and celebrity impressions.

#4. End the year with 125 total posts on the blog. 

Made the goal I didn't succeed at last year harder. YOLO. Gotta commit harder to writing regularly!

#5. Spend 20 hours a week doing something related to the business of art. Teaching, improv, writing, performing, etc.

I am probably sitting at around 13 hours a week right now, but I need to expand or dive in deeper to something in order to eek those last 7-8 hours in.

#6. Do something nice for somebody every day without expecting to be repaid.

You get out what you put in and I want to make people feel happy when I'm around. I already kind of make it a point to be kind to people when I have the opportunity and ability, but I think it will be helpful if I look at it as a thing I'm setting out to do every single morning. At the very least, it'll keep me from starting the day off being salty to anybody.

#7. Read 15 books in 2016, watch 15 New Movies, watch 5 shows I haven't seen before.

Improv requires that my pop culture knowledge be up to date and living a full and happy life means that I need to be expanding my brain and finding new things to enjoy. Books and movies are most important to me as they are more often referenced than TV shows that I don't already watch, but all three categories are valuable. Video games should probably be included at the same level as TV shows.

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All right, these goals feel better. I'm stickin to them! Do you have any big ideas of things you want to do this year?

Start A Resolution!

With just days left in January I am going to put up some things I want to do this year and then do my best to hold myself accountable for them. If I achieve even one of them, it'll be a pretty good year. Like I have told my cast, why even attempt something if succeeding isn't awesome?

3 months expenses in savings

This one is boring but important! I have money saved up, but  I need to keep the ball rolling and get my safety net in gear. It's gonna be tougher with the added expenses I've got this year, but hopefully I will have an increase in income, too. I've got the math done up and boy is it terrifying to me, but I think I can manage to get this one done through diligence and cleverness.

Quit serving, art full time

This one feels the least realistic for the year. I am not even close to the place I'd need to be in to quit my current dayjob (barring something awesome happening). Something arts-adjacent like box office or marketing work would be great too. The way to get there is going to be plugging away at writing and doing as much improv type stuff on my days/shifts off from working.

Hell, I'll be happy if I can pay even one bill with regularity due to improv.

Take an improv class

This one has been altered a bit from last year. I got to thinking about what I wanted out of learning from somewhere like Second City or iO and outside of being able to use that name recognition in my about me section, I just want fundamentals. Instinct, experience, and solo research have gotten me this far but if I had some solid building blocks I'd be in a lot better of a place. The important thing isn't where I learn these things, it's that I learn them at all. I just need to start.

Film 4 sketches

I've made a few sketches with Dillon and I had a good time doing them and think that some of them are still hilarious. I want to write more and film more of them and I'm calling myself out to do it!

Do something that I don't think I can succeed at initially.

Basically this is just me insisting that I keep doing new and scary things. I've got to step out of my box more deliberately this year or else I will be treading water instead of swimming towards the shore.

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That's what I've got for now! Do you guys have any goals for the year? Let's get to work.

What's a 2015 Anyway?

In the middle of January 2015 I laid out seven goals for the year. It is now late January in 2016 and it's high time I examined my progress on these goals. Here is a link to that post to read it for yourself. Originally I was going to include my goals for this year, but this post got looooong. I will include those in another post later.

Expand class-load at the Community School of the Arts

Status: Not kept.

I tried, honest I did. The classes I put up didn't make. You know what did make? My summer camp for Theatre for Children. It made with an agreement that I'd be paid by the class rather than by the hour. Then my class maximum was doubled from 10 to 20 without notice and they packed 18 young people into a room with just me for 15 hours. I want to believe that this was done out of an ignorance of how my class works and not out of a desire to wring more money out of my abilities, but I do know that this is the second year running that I've had to deal with fishy things going on around my summer camp with the CSA. I'm more than a little disillusioned with the company and I'm honestly considering not returning to teach again.

Create a regular improvised performance for families in Clarksville

Status: Not kept. 1/2 credit?

I did have a group of awesome people improvising with me for a few months in Clarksville. My original idea was to do musical narrative show but that quickly fell by the wayside when we had trouble managing the schedules of all the people who would've been willing to accompany us. I got to work with some amazing people and I proved to myself that I was capable of teaching improv. It kind of solidified what my ideals are and made me hyper aware of the building blocks of a good performance and story. Lauren, Maggie, Abby, and Dillon: I want y'all to know I was so proud to see you guys be incredible for a few weeks and I hope we can improvise together again because you're all crazy talented and the best kind of people.

Make, at minimum, 52 posts in this blog.

Status: Hahahahaha, definitely not kept.

33 posts. 19 short, which isn't as much as I'd expected. I fell off hard in 2015. Part of it is how busy I got toward the end of the year, but another piece is how I put so much pressure on myself to write and share and make sure everything I wrote was awesome and insightful. I learned that I tend to crumble in front of the assumption of success, probably cause I'm such a rebel. "Oh you think I'll be great, huh? I'll show you!" Honestly it's a thing I'm pecking away at.

Get my own place.

Status: Success.

Well it's not my own place, but I moved out of Clarksville and back to Nashville. I have a roommate who I like and plenty of space to myself. In August I kind of opted to fail at this resolution but I was offered a job and a place to live in late September and I pounced on the opportunity.

Get $1000 safely in savings and keep it there.

Status: Success

I did a real good job at this. Saved slowly and consistently and eclipsed my goal rather quickly. This year was a good start and I just need to keep it up.

Read 20 new novels. Autobiographies and theory books don't count!

Status: Not kept

I made some progress on this, but I fell off hard towards the middle of the year. Here's what I read:

Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, Return of the King, Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, The Anansi Boys, Good Omens, Guards Guards, Man in the High Castle

I also read Yes, Please and Improv at the Speed of Life but those didn't count towards my goal due to being an autobiography and a theory book. I read several new chidren's books for my class (it would be cheating to count those, I feel) and about half of Moby Dick. 

When it came down to it, I just had a lot of excuses and distractions from reading. This year I need to go into it with more discipline and structure if I want to succeed.

Study at a big-time improv school!

Status: Not Kept.

I chose not to succeed at this in order to succeed at my savings goal and my moving goal. It stings a little bit that I didn't manage to do this because I really, desperately want to take some time to learn from new people who are improvising for a living. I think some re-orientation is going to be necessary if I want to manage this goal this year.

2.5 out of 7 Resolutions Kept.

I'm tempted to say that's a laughably failing grade, but honestly that's not how real life works. I tried and learned and managed to do a few things that weren't on my list. I taught improv professionally for the first time, I moved back to Nashville, I got my Dungeons and Dragons show running finally.

On a more personal level, I've learned to say yes to opportunities and to be a better friend. I managed to get healthy and be better at being a grown-up in general. I'm going on dates and being a human, it's great!

By the numbers, I did not succeed. But real life isn't always by the numbers and I'm in a way better place than I've ever been. I just need to pick a direction and start marching, 2016 is going to be even more incredible.

I Love Improv

I love improv.

I love improv because I get to make stuff up.

I love improv because not only is my weirdness accepted, but it's a highly valued commodity.

I love improv because it has led me to make friends with some of the most wonderful, talented, kind,
and intelligent people that exist.

I love improv because I get to be on stage and make people laugh.

I love improv because it has taught me that I am good enough.

I love improv because it is slowly buffing out all of my cynicism and negativity and leaving behind a person who is happy and whole.

I love improv because it has inspired me to talk about how much I like, enjoy, and love everything else in my life.

I love improv cause it's super dumb and that's okay.

Think about what you love, really roll in that for a while. It's nice.

Accepting Compliments

I've found that even when I feel supremely confident about a performance I've delivered, I'm still very bad at accepting compliments. That's not an uncommon failing of a young, creative person, though. Every time I go to see a show at my alma mater the actors, singers, and dancers deflect my compliments on their performances by telling me how bad they felt on stage and how many things went wrong. 

"Hey, you did a great job!" 

"Ugh, really? I forgot my line in this scene and this person tripped and somebody else missed their entrance by a full beat!"

I used to do this all the time until I realized that it was a total buzzkill to tell somebody that enjoyed the show that they were wrong to enjoy something so awful. My issue with accepting a compliment has evolved in an interesting way that is almost entirely too generous. Someone will come up to me after a show and tell me how much they enjoyed my performance and I'll accept the compliment by saying, "Oh thanks, everybody else is amazingly talented and that's why the show was good." Or maybe I respond with, "Thanks, it was a lot of hard work!"

Those replies might seem okay, but they're not what the audience member wants to hear. You know what they want to hear? "Thank you, I'm glad that you enjoyed it." Don't give them excuses. Don't give them the notes you took for the rest of the cast. Just look them in the eyes, smile, and thank them.

Good Feelings and a Runny Nose

I'm having trouble finding the words tonight. I'm a little wiped out from a busy week last week and a little bit of a late-summer cold making a nasty resurgence. I feel very pleased with where I'm at in life, but whenever I start writing the only words that come out are negativity about where I used to be. That's not important and that's not fun to read or write about.

I will say this, though: I am so happy to have so many people that I care about and who care about me. Knowing that I have a positive effect on people's lives, even if it's very minor, makes me feel good. The idea that people enjoy working with me and enjoy watching me work is invigorating. I finally don't feel like I'm a drain on the people around me. I feel like I'm a tidal wave of exuberance, and that's great.

Now if you excuse me, this tidal wave is going to crash on the rocky shores of his bed.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Why is it that when teachers talk to you, they are insistent that you go to grad school so you can teach? When Chicago improvisers talk to you, they tell you to pick up and move to Chicago. Are those huge kinds of life shakeups really necessary for someone's career and craft to thrive? Is the measured approach not even a little viable?

As far as grad school goes: I am not even somewhat tempted to dive back into the pool of academia again. Moving to Chicago, however, is a somewhat more difficult idea to dismiss. I have been telling myself that I will stay in and around Nashville in order to build an improv community there. They're the people who got me invested in improv, and that is where my allegiance lies. I've been thinking that I am living my life in a smart and safe way, because luck fails me more often than it comes through. But maybe I'm just scared.

If I moved I'd be moving alone, with no support system in place up there, no job planned out, no money to survive, no place to live, no real guarantee that I'll even be doing anything worth all the stress of figuring all of those other things out. I'd also be able to get some real improv training and actually take steps towards making performing and teaching a full time career. And Chicago's cool, I guess. Well, it's freezing actually. Kind of the worst temperature.

If I stay... I stay. Plans remain unchanged and I can keep building myself up and getting my life in order. I think that it's pretty clear to me that Nashville isn't where my path ends, but I'm also pretty sure that I'm not exactly ready to handle some insane cross country move yet.

You Know, Ozymandias Did a Lot of Good Stuff, Too

Watchmen spoilers ahead. If you haven't read Watchmen, quit reading my dumb blog and go read Watchmen.

Yeah sure, he devastated cities across the globe and cost hundreds of thousands of lives in the process, but hear me out! The Oz-man was an incredibly driven dude. Not only did he accomplish his sinister plan, but he avoided a common comic book villain mistake by waiting until after he'd already executed on his schemes to explain everything to the people who would stop him.

Did you know you're less likely to achieve a goal that you've told other people about? Derek Sivers talked about this in his TED Talk about keeping your goals to yourself. Basically you trick your brain into thinking you've already accomplished your goal when you share it with other people. Because you've already gotten satisfaction from it, you're less likely to do the work that's in front of you. I'm not going to be kidnapping many of the world's greatest artists and destroying countless cities and lives and blaming it on a giant-squid alien that I've invented, but from now on I'm going to do my best to keep my goals secret until I've already done the work to achieve them. Once I've made it, I'll wait 35 minutes and tell you about how cool it was.

To Myself: I'M CALLIN YOU OUT, BROTHER!

I've noticed a pattern in my day to day conversations where I will list an honest criticism of myself and the other person will deflect it. I think that comes from an incredibly kind place and I'm massively grateful to have friends that want to support me when I am down on myself, but I do think that it can be an impediment to personal growth if I don't ignore their comforting words from time to time. All my life I've teachers and bosses tell me that I'm very good at whatever I'm doing at the time but they think I can do even better. On the other hand, peers tend to spend their time telling me I'm incredible and why should I bother working more when I'm already awesome. You can guess which one tends to have a little more influence on my behavior.

The thing is, I agree with my teachers. My learning process seems to begin with huge growth. I take leaps and bounds and learn as much as I can and I devote my full focus to the task in front of me. Invariably, I find myself getting complacent with my achievements and I just stop working as hard. A lot of the time, the complacency begins with somebody I respect giving me the validation of "wow, you're really good!" I stand back and think, "yeah, I am great, aren't I?"

I think about where I'm at as a teacher and actor and improviser and I realize it's not very much different from where I was a year ago. I know I am doing things, but I also know that I could be doing more. I know that I could be taking more lessons away from the things that I am already doing. Unlike any previous point in my life, though, I don't have a mentor to push me just that little bit further. That person who is never quite satisfied with what I've done.

It's clear to me now that I have to be that person for myself. I am the one who is not satisfied with my progress. I'm doing all right, but I know I can do better. I'm not going to pat myself on the back for just showing up anymore. Participation isn't enough for me, I need to excel. I need to fight more and work harder, not because somebody else wants me to but because I am capable of it. In the words of Shia Labeouf, "Yesterday you said tomorrow so just do it! MAKE. YOUR DREAMS. COME TRUE."

One Weird Trick To Shield You From Negative Criticism

The main reason that I used to struggle with writing out and sharing my thoughts with people was because I was afraid that people would disagree with me vehemently and call me an idiot. This is especially true with me writing about improv, because there's a subset of improvisers who take a lot of pride in shouting down anybody who thinks anything other than what they've been taught. The worst thing is, I was afraid they'd be right about me being a total know-nothing.

The trick, I've learned, is to write about things I like and spend very little time discussing the things that I don't like. If I catch myself writing an incredibly negative post, it's usually because I'm wrapped up in a lot of emotion. Maybe somebody hurt my feelings at work or rehearsal and I wanted to write about how that person and everything they do is bad and is hurting the fabric of society. Then after I've written it, I read it back and it all seems a little silly.

If I write about my own experiences and things that have made improvisation fun for me, then who is anybody else to tell me that I'm wrong? If I spend posts upon posts being a positive beam of sunshine and someone comes in and calls me a dummy for enjoying things, that person is clearly just an a-hole. If you write about what you love, kind people will respect that (unless what you love is kicking puppies or something). The added bonus is that if you spend your time thinking and talking about things that you like a whole lot, you're going to feel a whole lot happier as a result.

Go ahead and get angry and write posts seething with vitriol. Get it all worked out of your system, then re-read that post and delete it immediately. By spouting negativity you are inviting other people to spout it right back at you. Granted, some things are worth posting takedowns of: puppy kickers, MRAs, people who order a diet coke and a water at a restaurant.

If you want to feel better and not worry about people telling you how awful and dumb you are, you should start by not talking about how awful and dumb everybody else is.

Being A Joy To Work With

I've been spending a lot of time at my day job lately and it's been making me think about what makes a co-worker a joy to work with and what makes others a chore to be around. What are the common traits of the people that light up my day as soon as I see them, and do I exemplify these traits?

I am guilty of showing up late from time to time, or venting my frustration with how the day is going, I can show up tired and hungry and I know that it affects my work, but I do my best to never allow these things to be excuses for not putting in my best effort. I spend most of my time at work finding ways to make the day easier and more pleasant for the people around me. It feels good to be around people who are happy, it makes me feel better to lend a hand when I can spare it.

In the same vein, the people who I enjoy working with are the ones who spend their time making the best of their day. We're at work, and even though sometimes they truly would rather be somewhere else, they're going to make this day worth their while. They're positive thinkers, they fix problems as they arise, and they're eager to help if they see someone struggling. They find ways to not only do the job that's required of them, but to do it with enthusiasm.

The thing is, those traits are useful everywhere and are an absolute requirement in a good improv troupe. When I find myself struggling through a day at work or a rehearsal at night, I know who I can turn to to help bail me out of my negative mindset. I know the people who will brighten my mood, and I strive to be that person for everybody else.

Get to work and find a way to enjoy it, because your joy can be infectious. Start an exuberant epidemic!

The Struggle:Taking a Break vs. Working Through It

I've been through the cycle of getting frustrated with improv, desperately wanting to quit, and falling back in love with it several times. When I first started feeling this way, my reaction was to grind through all of my troubles. I tend to do this with a lot of things in life. Tough it out, everybody's got problems. All I need to do is improv harder and I'll fix every issue I have.

I should know by now that increasing the intensity of something I'm struggling with isn't generally a good solution to whatever problem I'm facing. In fact, it almost always makes the issues I'm having worse. The reason for that is because I very rarely take the time to actually examine the things that are bringing me down during rehearsals or shows. I just tack on more rehearsals, more shows, more responsibilities and on and on until the wheels come off and I can take no more.

Now-a-days I decide to take a break, which is something I was terrified of doing before. I very much doubted my own work ethic and commitment to anything. I felt as though if I took even one step away from something, I'd continue stepping back until I'd quit entirely. It's a really strange fear when you're talking about improv, because if improv and performing are something I love and enjoy then they would logically not be very easy for me to quit doing. Logical or not, it's still the way I felt (and sometimes still feel).

Here's my prescription to myself and anybody who is struggling to fully enjoy something they usually love: take a breath. Take just enough time away from that passion to remind you why you loved it in the first place. Find something else to enjoy for a little while. Set a firm limit on the break that you are taking and adhere to it (no coming back early or late!).

If you want to work through it, really take the time to analyze what you're struggling with. Identify why you're not having fun and deal with that. Talk to people, tell people how much trouble you're having and ask them to save you when the troubles come up. There's no reason to tough it out alone in improv, find a way to connect with a teammate or fellow student or your teacher. In the end, you'll both be better for it.

You can step back without quitting entirely and you can work through issues with the help of others. Don't collapse under the weight of your own expectations.

Shut Up and Listen!

Yesterday I was asked by a good friend of mine to write about listening in improv. My immediate and somewhat rude joke-response was, "Uh, just shut up?" As unhelpful as those words are, there is actually some truth behind them. So because listening is the most important skill for an actor, improviser, and person to have, I'll go ahead and delve into it a little bit.

In improv, we have the desire to talk constantly. We feel like not speaking is the equivalent of doing nothing. Maybe we're even doing some intense, complicated, object work, but those moves are stage directions that everybody ignores and changes. If you want to contribute to the actual script, you've gotta spew some words from your facehole, right? As you can probably tell from my characterization of those uncontrollable word-farts, I don't agree that they're necessary at all.

Very often, we assume that listening is the same thing as simply hearing. You can talk over someone or have a very rapid conversation with them and hear all of the words they're saying to you. You can probably even understand exactly what they're saying to you. But if you're constantly talking, you're not letting those words affect you. You're not really treating your partner's words like they're the most important thing, because you're not giving them the silence and reverence that they deserve. You're not giving your response the necessary consideration to be worthy of replying to a string of words that just shook you to your core. You can have a whole conversation just hearing somebody and never listening.

Recently, I have noticed that scenes where one of the partners doesn't speak at all, says only one word, or only speaks in gibberish are actually far, far better scenes. The speaker is listening and watching their partner desperately for some clue of what they're trying to communicate. They invest themselves wholly in understanding what their partner is feeling. Their silent/gibberish speaking partner is quiet and doesn't have to spend time thinking about words, so they can spend their time reacting to and being affected by the only real words in the scene. Try one or two of those scenes and observe how it changes your play, watch how quickly it becomes real and emotionally honest instead of wackadoo and schticky.

So, here's my advice:

• Start with silence. 
• Let your partner's words affect and change you. 
• Speak to them only when you actually need to speak. 
• If you don't need to speak, uh, just shut up?

When Do the Good Things Start?

Being sick is the pits. I think I've done it to myself, though. I've built a lot of stress up in my brain lately and it's definitely worn on my psyche these past few weeks.

For the first time in my life I'm accurately tracking my spending and income and boy does it make me pull my hair out. My spending habits aren't too terrible, but something about every dollar being accounted for makes me froth at the mouth. I feel like I should spend nothing ever, even if it's necessary or incredibly minute. 

I suppose a large amount of the stress comes from knowing that I'm not making very much money. I've got my server schedule trimmed down to make room for improv and teaching and my income is paying the price. My classes aren't quite in session yet and improv isn't paying me, but those things happen to be what I love to do so I'm just sacrificing money to do them.

To be honest, I'm getting less and less certain that I'm making the right choice. Most people my age have grown up jobs or are at least management in their cruddy service jobs. Am I even really even "chasing a dream" or am I just avoiding responsibility? Don't get me wrong, I don't want to sell insurance or manage a restaurant or grocery store. I don't want a job that can tell me when I'm allowed to perform and make me feel obliged to listen. I just feel... useless. Unimportant. Valueless. 

I acknowledge I'm being somewhat melodramatic, but I am really beginning to worry. When do the good things start? Am I not working hard enough? I'm probably not, I still have time to sleep. If you're sleeping and you're not finding success, then sleep less ya loser.

I don't have any answers for these questions right now, I just wanted to commit this crisis of confidence to writing. I figure I'll have answered one way or another eventually and I can at least have a good laugh at my present confusion. 

Want To Get Started? Just Ask.

I've had a lot of improv and theatre related ambitions in my life and its surprising how many of them have come to fruition. The thing is, very few of those things just came to me. I had to go out and get them, but going and getting them isn't always as easy as it sounds.

New Idea: Tag Team Car Salesmen

You've Lost That Improv Lovin Feeling?

It happens to everybody at some point or another. For this reason or that reason, you find that you're not enjoying yourself at rehearsals or even shows anymore. You struggle and strain to still pull out a killer performance, but the work just doesn't feel like it used to. I've felt these feelings a couple different times for a couple different reasons and I want you to know that this doesn't have to be the end!

The MIB Agent-Alien Improv show was a rousing success!

Mid-January Resolutions!

I talked about last year, but that stuff's in the past. I've got some ambitious eyes and they are set on the future. Life and career related goals for 2015, comin down the pipeline!

Resolution for Every Year: More Pirate Shenanigans

Things Pile On

This week I got massively overloaded and one responsibility stacked on top of another until the whole Jenga tower came crashing down. I like to think that I generally know my limits, but every now and again I let all the things I do get the best of me. I don't know that every person is like this, but I know that once I start feeling overwhelmed all progress on all things ceases. The struggle from there is getting the wheels moving again, even if they move very slowly.

My temptation is to apologize profusely for missing blog posts. I want to mention how terrible and lazy I am. I want to make jokes that an ape could adhere to a schedule better than I can and that I am more beast than man. But you know what? Screw that. Apologizing and feeling self-conscious and bad about myself is what made me shut down in the first place!

If you find yourself getting overwhelmed and falling behind on your self-imposed responsibilities, remember that you're human. You're not terrible or lazy, you're a person who's got a lot on their plate. You've probably put a lot on  your plate. There's no shame in that, and don't let someone make you believe that there is.

Take a break, form a new plan of attack, and dive back in. If you're like me, you probably need a moment to forgive yourself for being a human and not an all-powerful problem solving machine. Once you're able to do that and re-organize your thoughts, you'll probably produce better results after that break anyway.

Here's a list of the things that I'm doing: 

• Commuting an hour each way to improvise twice a week
• Working 25-30 hours as a server
• Trying to organize a group of improvisers in my immediate area
• Planning new classes for the winter session
• Legitimately attempting to budget during Christmas season
• Writing and "promoting" a blog twice a week

There are a lot of minor stresses that encircle each of those things and that make my head start to spin. But those are all things that I want and need to be doing. Most of them are things that I have chosen to subject myself to! I've taken my break and now it's time to refocus. Let's all dust ourselves off, get our heads straight, and forge ahead like we need and want to. 

I believe in me and I believe in you, we can handle these things!